you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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