i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
