Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
