afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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