Jerry, you need to find god
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You've changed since you got that strap on
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
