I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
