you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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