Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
