the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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