Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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