Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
