We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
we should paint friendship bongs
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
