Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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