Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
