forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
someone owes me an orgasm
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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