wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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