Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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