I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
