He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
