So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
