dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
