I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
