he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
