I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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