last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
