evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
