Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
