I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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