his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
