Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
