I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
