just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
