he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize