Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
