need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
