He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
