You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
