DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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