I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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