Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
