i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
