my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We are two peas in an std pod
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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