I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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