Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
