No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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