Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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