Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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