is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
