I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
