I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
