i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
