Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
