I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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