I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I am never drinking with the goths again.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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