Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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