terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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