i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
