even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
