jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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