I am in a vortex of obligation.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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