my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
