Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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