I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize