Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize