i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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