I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Shame - the story of my life.
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