Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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