Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
