A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My cat gives me a boner
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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