Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
