what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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