he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
