Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
